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Hilary's Weddingby Marion Zimmer Bradley“I don't understand you at all, Hilary,” Domna Yllana said with a look of frustration.” “Your own wedding gown, and it might as well be a new pinafore for your sister. I never had anything so fine till after Despard was born; if I had, I would have been wild with excitement. One would think it was someone else's wedding, not yours at all.”It isn't mine, thought Hilary, it's yours and Papa's - the one you would have liked to have. However, she had learned by now not to say so. She turned around, asking, “What is it, Maellen?” as her youngest sister came into the room.“Mama, there are messengers from Armida, and Lord Damon himself is with them; he has a message for you.” Maellen was now a coltish eleven, all knees and elbows, protruding gawkily from her torn pinafore, her red curls tangled and half uncurled.“Oh, dear, I hope you did not greet him looking like that, Maellen,” her mother said, but broke off as Damon Ridenow himself came into the room and bent over Hilary's hand.“Don't scold her, I beg of you, vai domna,” he said to Domna Yllana; “I have come to bid you to a naming-feast at Armida, and of course Callista bade me come to you first of all.”“Oh, has Ellemir borne her child? She will be so happy!” Hilary exclaimed.“No,” Damon said, “Next tenday, perhaps; she is still dragging about, as big as the side of the barn, or so it seems. No, Callista bore Andrew a daughter ten days gone, and she wishes to call her daughter 'Hilary'; so I came to you to be certain you were not of those who thinks it ill luck to name a child after a living person.”“No, of course I am not,” said Hilary, delighted. “I shall have a naming-gift for the little one. Is Callista well, then? And Ellemir?”Damon grinned - as happily, Hilary thought, as if the child were his own. “I am happy to say that both are well, and barring something unforeseen,” he made a superstitious gesture, “this time, all Gods be thanked, nothing will go wrong.”“I am so happy for Ellemir,” Hilary said, “I have not seen either of them since the wedding.” It had been quite a scandal in the country round. The twins of Armida had been married, Ellemir to Damon and Callista to a stranger, a Terran, named Anndra Carr - and that not by the catenas but in a simple freemate declaration before witnesses. But both marriages, as far as she knew, had gone well, and the folk at Armida were no less popular than ever. Of course, whatever an Alton of Armida chose to do was assumed to be well done.Damon touched Hilary's hand; his eyes fell on the wedding gown on the rack. “Yours? May I ask when the wedding is to be held?”“We were making ready to send out messages bidding you to the wedding,” Hilary said, “I could not possibly be married without my oldest friend in attendance.” She recalled, on the day she left Arilinn, Damon had met with her in the courtyard and had kissed her in farewell - the first human touch she had borne in seven years.He said, with a trace of the old familiarity, “So you are to have a wedding. I hope it may be as lucky as mine; a marriage should be a happy thing. Do I know the fortunate man?”Hilary thought, Probably better than I do, but aloud she only said, “I believe you knew him when you were cadet-master in the Guard. His name is Farrill Lindir; he has four children by his first wife, so he need not care if I do not give him a son.”“Oh, Hilary,” Domna Yllana interrupted in despair. “Isn't she dreadful, Damon? Why, her health is so much improved. I beg of you, Lord Damon, don't listen to her! No doubt, at this time next year, he'll be sending out a bidding to a naming-feast at Miron Lake.”“I certainly hope he does not count upon that,” Hilary interrupted. “If it is a child he wants, no doubt he'llI return me like a sack of grain from the mill; but he wishes for a noble wife, one of unquestioned birth and position. But no doubt he has heard of why my betrothal to Edric Ridenow went amiss; and everyone for miles around knows my health is not that much improved. Nor do I care much for babes - I would rather it was me he wanted, not a brood mare.”Domna Yllana interrupted, “Surely this is no seemly speech for a maid almost on the eve of her marriage!” but Damon laughed.“So Callista has said many times; but now that her own child is more than a vague idea, she is not only reconciled to having her but has become fond enough of her daughter. And if she were not, there are more than enough women in the Domain for that.” He smiled at Hilary, ignoring her mother, and said, “It was a gift of Arilinn which kept this child for me; you know after Ellemir's first child was born so much too soon, it was a woman from the college of midwives at Arilinn Village who told Ellemir what she should do to keep her from such misfortune this time. And so I will soon invite you to the naming feast of my own first son.”Hilary said with an attempt at formality, “I am happy for you, Damon; I know how much Ellemir has wanted a child.” She thought If it had been you came courting me instead of Edric- She quickly dropped that thought, knowing Damon would pick it up. But when we both dwelt in the Tower, I was but a little girl - and Callista even more so - and he could never see any woman but Leonie. Knowing Damon would pick that up, too, she looked away from him with a new shyness.Damon bent and kissed the tips of her fingers, “May you be as happy as I am with Ellemir, breda,” he said. Hilary stood on tiptoe and brushed his cheek with her lips, then withdrew, coloring a little, as she saw her mother's eyes upon them.When Damon had left them, Domna YIIana scowled. “You wretched girl! Why, if you wanted to be married, did you not make sure of Dom Damon before ever you left the Tower?”“Mother,” Hilary protested, “when Damon left the Tower, I was young and had never thought of any future but to be Keeper at Arilinn. I thought no more of Damon that way than of one of my father's grooms!” And she thought, I am afraid to ask how she thinks I should have made sure of him, or how that would have availed me anything but for both of us being sent away for misconduct.Domna Yllana's cheeks reddened with a dull color, and - not for the first time - Hilary suspected her mother had some laran, though flawed and incomplete. But Domna Yllana only said aloud, “We have on our estate somewhere, too, a midwife trained at Arilinn. If she helped Lady Ellemir, we should have her look at you.”“Perhaps,” Hilary said, and hoped her mother would forget it again.But nothing much happened that day on the estate but for a long colloquy with the cooks about the cakes and wine to be served at the wedding. Personally, Hilary thought this was a lot of fuss for nothing; they had vetoed her first choice of an apple nut cake.“I can't imagine why, since I am to be the bride in question, and it is my favorite cake,” Hilary protested.But Domna Yllana only laughed and said, “Don't be silly, it isn't at all a suitable cake for a wedding. Dom Farrill would think I didn't know what was proper!”When Hilary stubbornly requested further explanation, her father pinched her cheek and said, “I don't understand either, my love; but your mother knows about these things and I don't. Better listen to her.” Hilary, realizing he was probably right, had said no more.The wedding gown was finished and hung in Hilary's clothespress. She had tried it on, but when she wanted to show it to her father and Despard, her mother had said harshly that it was ill-luck for anyone but the bride and her attendants to see her dressed before the wedding. Hilary wondered why, then, it would not be bad luck for her mother to see it; and since Domna Yllana had fashioned it for her, how her mother could have made it without seeing it. Again, she knew better than to ask.It was only a day later when the horsemen rode into the courtyard. The foremost among them said they were from Lake Miron and asked, “Is it you, damisela Hilary, who was to marry Dom Farrill?”“It is I,” Hilary returned with poise and self-possession; but she already knew, from the man's taut face, what news he would give her. She heard him say it, like an echo. Dom Farrill had been thrown by a half-broken horse, and his head had split open. That last detail they thought to spare her, only calling it a riding accident; but she knew it anyway.She felt no great personal grief, for she had barely known the man; but it was a dreadful thing for a young life to be so suddenly snuffed out. “I cannot tell you how greatly I regret this,” she said, shaking her head sadly; inwardly, she felt nothing but a relief she was too worldly-wise to show. She offered the riders refreshment, already knowing her mother's grief would be greater than her own.Indeed, when Domna Yllana heard the news, she was as shaken as if she had lost a son. It was she who felt it necessary to tell the riders that Hilary was truly heartbroken, but too dignified and self-possessed to show her grief publicly.When Hilary expressed her true feelings to her father, he looked troubled. “Don't say such things before your mother; she was really looking forward to your wedding.”“I know,” said Hilary, making a face. “Between ourselves, rather more than I was.”He looked at her guiltily. “I know; also between ourselves, I'm not sorry to keep my little girl a few more years. How old are you now, my darling?”“Nearly twenty-three,” Hilary said, grimacing. “A confirmed old maid for certain.”He looked abashed. “Oh, surely there is time enough,” he said, and hugged her.Domna Yllana seemed resigned. She said crossly to Hilary, “I suppose even Maellen will be married before you will! I knew when you wanted ... [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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Hilary's Weddingby Marion Zimmer Bradley“I don't understand you at all, Hilary,” Domna Yllana said with a look of frustration.” “Your own wedding gown, and it might as well be a new pinafore for your sister. I never had anything so fine till after Despard was born; if I had, I would have been wild with excitement. One would think it was someone else's wedding, not yours at all.”It isn't mine, thought Hilary, it's yours and Papa's - the one you would have liked to have. However, she had learned by now not to say so. She turned around, asking, “What is it, Maellen?” as her youngest sister came into the room.“Mama, there are messengers from Armida, and Lord Damon himself is with them; he has a message for you.” Maellen was now a coltish eleven, all knees and elbows, protruding gawkily from her torn pinafore, her red curls tangled and half uncurled.“Oh, dear, I hope you did not greet him looking like that, Maellen,” her mother said, but broke off as Damon Ridenow himself came into the room and bent over Hilary's hand.“Don't scold her, I beg of you, vai domna,” he said to Domna Yllana; “I have come to bid you to a naming-feast at Armida, and of course Callista bade me come to you first of all.”“Oh, has Ellemir borne her child? She will be so happy!” Hilary exclaimed.“No,” Damon said, “Next tenday, perhaps; she is still dragging about, as big as the side of the barn, or so it seems. No, Callista bore Andrew a daughter ten days gone, and she wishes to call her daughter 'Hilary'; so I came to you to be certain you were not of those who thinks it ill luck to name a child after a living person.”“No, of course I am not,” said Hilary, delighted. “I shall have a naming-gift for the little one. Is Callista well, then? And Ellemir?”Damon grinned - as happily, Hilary thought, as if the child were his own. “I am happy to say that both are well, and barring something unforeseen,” he made a superstitious gesture, “this time, all Gods be thanked, nothing will go wrong.”“I am so happy for Ellemir,” Hilary said, “I have not seen either of them since the wedding.” It had been quite a scandal in the country round. The twins of Armida had been married, Ellemir to Damon and Callista to a stranger, a Terran, named Anndra Carr - and that not by the catenas but in a simple freemate declaration before witnesses. But both marriages, as far as she knew, had gone well, and the folk at Armida were no less popular than ever. Of course, whatever an Alton of Armida chose to do was assumed to be well done.Damon touched Hilary's hand; his eyes fell on the wedding gown on the rack. “Yours? May I ask when the wedding is to be held?”“We were making ready to send out messages bidding you to the wedding,” Hilary said, “I could not possibly be married without my oldest friend in attendance.” She recalled, on the day she left Arilinn, Damon had met with her in the courtyard and had kissed her in farewell - the first human touch she had borne in seven years.He said, with a trace of the old familiarity, “So you are to have a wedding. I hope it may be as lucky as mine; a marriage should be a happy thing. Do I know the fortunate man?”Hilary thought, Probably better than I do, but aloud she only said, “I believe you knew him when you were cadet-master in the Guard. His name is Farrill Lindir; he has four children by his first wife, so he need not care if I do not give him a son.”“Oh, Hilary,” Domna Yllana interrupted in despair. “Isn't she dreadful, Damon? Why, her health is so much improved. I beg of you, Lord Damon, don't listen to her! No doubt, at this time next year, he'll be sending out a bidding to a naming-feast at Miron Lake.”“I certainly hope he does not count upon that,” Hilary interrupted. “If it is a child he wants, no doubt he'llI return me like a sack of grain from the mill; but he wishes for a noble wife, one of unquestioned birth and position. But no doubt he has heard of why my betrothal to Edric Ridenow went amiss; and everyone for miles around knows my health is not that much improved. Nor do I care much for babes - I would rather it was me he wanted, not a brood mare.”Domna Yllana interrupted, “Surely this is no seemly speech for a maid almost on the eve of her marriage!” but Damon laughed.“So Callista has said many times; but now that her own child is more than a vague idea, she is not only reconciled to having her but has become fond enough of her daughter. And if she were not, there are more than enough women in the Domain for that.” He smiled at Hilary, ignoring her mother, and said, “It was a gift of Arilinn which kept this child for me; you know after Ellemir's first child was born so much too soon, it was a woman from the college of midwives at Arilinn Village who told Ellemir what she should do to keep her from such misfortune this time. And so I will soon invite you to the naming feast of my own first son.”Hilary said with an attempt at formality, “I am happy for you, Damon; I know how much Ellemir has wanted a child.” She thought If it had been you came courting me instead of Edric- She quickly dropped that thought, knowing Damon would pick it up. But when we both dwelt in the Tower, I was but a little girl - and Callista even more so - and he could never see any woman but Leonie. Knowing Damon would pick that up, too, she looked away from him with a new shyness.Damon bent and kissed the tips of her fingers, “May you be as happy as I am with Ellemir, breda,” he said. Hilary stood on tiptoe and brushed his cheek with her lips, then withdrew, coloring a little, as she saw her mother's eyes upon them.When Damon had left them, Domna YIIana scowled. “You wretched girl! Why, if you wanted to be married, did you not make sure of Dom Damon before ever you left the Tower?”“Mother,” Hilary protested, “when Damon left the Tower, I was young and had never thought of any future but to be Keeper at Arilinn. I thought no more of Damon that way than of one of my father's grooms!” And she thought, I am afraid to ask how she thinks I should have made sure of him, or how that would have availed me anything but for both of us being sent away for misconduct.Domna Yllana's cheeks reddened with a dull color, and - not for the first time - Hilary suspected her mother had some laran, though flawed and incomplete. But Domna Yllana only said aloud, “We have on our estate somewhere, too, a midwife trained at Arilinn. If she helped Lady Ellemir, we should have her look at you.”“Perhaps,” Hilary said, and hoped her mother would forget it again.But nothing much happened that day on the estate but for a long colloquy with the cooks about the cakes and wine to be served at the wedding. Personally, Hilary thought this was a lot of fuss for nothing; they had vetoed her first choice of an apple nut cake.“I can't imagine why, since I am to be the bride in question, and it is my favorite cake,” Hilary protested.But Domna Yllana only laughed and said, “Don't be silly, it isn't at all a suitable cake for a wedding. Dom Farrill would think I didn't know what was proper!”When Hilary stubbornly requested further explanation, her father pinched her cheek and said, “I don't understand either, my love; but your mother knows about these things and I don't. Better listen to her.” Hilary, realizing he was probably right, had said no more.The wedding gown was finished and hung in Hilary's clothespress. She had tried it on, but when she wanted to show it to her father and Despard, her mother had said harshly that it was ill-luck for anyone but the bride and her attendants to see her dressed before the wedding. Hilary wondered why, then, it would not be bad luck for her mother to see it; and since Domna Yllana had fashioned it for her, how her mother could have made it without seeing it. Again, she knew better than to ask.It was only a day later when the horsemen rode into the courtyard. The foremost among them said they were from Lake Miron and asked, “Is it you, damisela Hilary, who was to marry Dom Farrill?”“It is I,” Hilary returned with poise and self-possession; but she already knew, from the man's taut face, what news he would give her. She heard him say it, like an echo. Dom Farrill had been thrown by a half-broken horse, and his head had split open. That last detail they thought to spare her, only calling it a riding accident; but she knew it anyway.She felt no great personal grief, for she had barely known the man; but it was a dreadful thing for a young life to be so suddenly snuffed out. “I cannot tell you how greatly I regret this,” she said, shaking her head sadly; inwardly, she felt nothing but a relief she was too worldly-wise to show. She offered the riders refreshment, already knowing her mother's grief would be greater than her own.Indeed, when Domna Yllana heard the news, she was as shaken as if she had lost a son. It was she who felt it necessary to tell the riders that Hilary was truly heartbroken, but too dignified and self-possessed to show her grief publicly.When Hilary expressed her true feelings to her father, he looked troubled. “Don't say such things before your mother; she was really looking forward to your wedding.”“I know,” said Hilary, making a face. “Between ourselves, rather more than I was.”He looked at her guiltily. “I know; also between ourselves, I'm not sorry to keep my little girl a few more years. How old are you now, my darling?”“Nearly twenty-three,” Hilary said, grimacing. “A confirmed old maid for certain.”He looked abashed. “Oh, surely there is time enough,” he said, and hugged her.Domna Yllana seemed resigned. She said crossly to Hilary, “I suppose even Maellen will be married before you will! I knew when you wanted ... [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]